Op/Ed by Gloria Winston Al-Sarag
The following is an excerpt from a comment I read on Facebook, recently:
“I make enough money to take care of me and my son, not no man. The man should be taking care of me and my son, but I don’t need anything. They’re no good any ways.”
After reading this, I literally shouted, “WHAT??!!”out loud at my computer. This comment had been in response to a question posted by a friend of mine, who, in summary, had been wondering what happened to the values men and women used to share.
By the way, anyone who has read my columns consistently knows, one of my favorite subjects to write about is REALTIONSHIPS. Particularly, I like to write about the relationships between men and women; and, more specifically, the relationships between BLACK men and women.
Those who know me also understand why I put pressure on, and single out, BLACK women, in particular. However, for those who may not understand, I do that because BLACK women are the ones who have been losing their men to other women, and to women from other cultures, in particular.
It seems black families are the ones which are being destroyed at a faster pace than any other culture. As a result, I think it is important for me to drive home the fact that, I consider all black women to be QUEENS. Some know they are, and act the part.
But, it has been to those who have been entitled to the throne, yet have never seemed to sit on it, that I have hoped to drive this message home. We have too many should-be queens, who have been raising children, but who have been acting like court jesters, or pawns. And, in keeping with my analogy, which has been aligned with a chess board, I would like to call your attention to the fact that, the most powerful piece on the board is the QUEEN.
However, let me back up, and say I have been one of those folks who have often equated the game of chess to life. And, in previous cases, as in this one; if you don’t know how to play chess, you may already be lost. As a result, I’d just like to mention, if that’s the case, maybe you should stop reading right here, and go do some reading, so you can keep up.
In fact, I highly recommend you at least learn the game, and how to play the pieces before going any further. The chess board consists of pieces which can be similar to ones found in life, and ones which may affect us on a daily basis.
On the chess board, they are called pawns, rooks, knights, bishops, a king and a queen. The pieces all have been assigned a variety of roles, and have been limited to specific moves. As I’ve said before, I believe the queen to be the most powerful piece, because she can move in every direction, and she has the distinct duty to protect her king. Her position on the board is standing right next to the king. She does not stand on another line, or across the board, but right next to him.
The king is powerful, but if he falls, or has been captured, he will no longer rule, and the game will be over. In addition, he can only move one space at a time, although he can move in any direction. Nonetheless, the queen is a must-have for the king to remain on the throne. If she falls, or has been taken by your opponent, guess what? The game is over.
Do you follow me so far?
So, when I hear a sistuh bragging, or see she has been writing about not needing a man, it leads me to believe she has been clueless, and misinformed about who she is supposed to be. She likely has yet to recognize she is royalty, and has been refusing to take her rightful place on the throne with her king. Well, maybe biblically, these women could identify with the fact that, according to the Bible, Eve was created from Adam’s Rib, and not vice versa.
I am also of the opinion that women, we have only ONE job on this earth, and that is to bring forth life. I seriously believe that is ALL God expects us to do.
Men are the ones who have the responsibility to provide for you, and your child. Only real men understand that. However, what we have these days are little girls pretending to be women, thinking because they had a baby, this makes them a woman.
And, we also have, in today’s society, women who are SO bitter; they have lain down with the wrong man. We have too many women who did not take the time to see how the father of their child treated his mother, sisters, or former wives and girlfriends. As a result, what we have now are women who think they have to be the MAN in their child’s life, failing to honor the value of a child’s FATHER.
Nowadays, what we have are little girls pretending they are grown, but who have more than likely been parented by women with the same issues which they now possess.
See, I KNOW I am blessed to have been raised by women who, first of all, HAD husbands who they submitted to, and respected. I will be the first to admit that I have been a victim of my upbringing. My mom and dad were married 53 years. In addition, both my grandmothers had hard-working husbands who worked farms, raised cattle, tobacco, and more.
They did what they had to in order to FEED their families. They were the bread winners. The women took care of the house, and prepared HOT meals, daily.
One of my grandmothers found time to teach, and have four children by the same man, who happened to be her husband. My other grandmother, and her husband, managed to raise 10 children. They had been married to men who learned at an early age what it meant to be a MAN. And, I have found, what usually separates a man from a boy is a FAMILY.
I have NEVER met a man who does not love his children, but I have met too many females who have sought to destroy a man’s relationship with his children. Some women have sought to discredit some men to their children every chance they have gotten. Space will likely not permit me to share with you some of the things I have seen scorned women do to some men, while they have unwittingly not seen how this has affected the very child they have claimed to love and want to protect.
Ladies, if you take nothing else away from this column, please understand that your child needs his or her father. It does not matter how much money you make. Time spent between a child and his or her father is priceless. No dollar amount can replace it.
Don’t get mad because you were not woman enough to hold onto that man, and he went elsewhere, to start another family. Grow up, and embrace that family too, because, whether you like it or not, you will all have a connection for the rest of your lives. And, if you’ve fallen in love with someone who has fallen out of love with you, don’t take it out on his child. Parents who’ve attempted to manipulate their children against one parent, or another, will at some point learn the word “KARMA,” trust me.
I have seen the regrets some women have had, when their little conspiracy has come back to haunt them. Your child, especially if it is a boy, is NOT your man, and you need to stop treating him like he is.
You may THINK you don’t need a man, because your child has replaced that need, but that is not reality. Wake up, queens, and claim your seat on the throne. You won’t get there if you continue to blame others for your bad choices, or don’t take the time to make better ones for yourself, and your children.